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People Pleasing

Do you find it hard to tell others, "No" and set boundaries?

Begin Treatment for People Pleasing

How? Schedule a consultation with a therapist to begin treatment for people pleasing.

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STEP 1: SCHEUDLE CONSULTATION


STEP 2: COMPLETE  ASSESSMENT


STEP 3: ATTEND SESSIONS

"People pleasing leads to burnout and loosing a sense of self that could facilitate an unhealthy relationship."

Jennifer Cooper Nobo, LCSW

While people pleasing is not a mental health diagnosis, it can still have very serious consequences. People pleasing behaviors may not only lead to burn out but they can cause people to experience anxiety, low self-esteem and to have poor boundaries and struggling relationships. The good news is that therapy can help you recover from people pleasing. Schedule a consultation by clicking the button.

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If left untreated, people pleasing may lead to serious burn out,

high stress and poor relationship however, it doesn't have to be that way.

What is People Pleasing?

There's a lot to learn about people pleasing however, here's some general knowledge to familiarize yourself with:

  • What is people pleasing?

    People please is not a mental health condition (at least not as far as the DSM-V-TR is concerned). People pleasing referes to behaviors that are aimed at putting another person's needs above one's own, often at the expense of one's well-being.  


    While it may not be a mental health diagnosis it definitely has serious consequences. People pleasing behaviors are found in various mental health problems:


    People pleasing behaviors can be pathological and in some instances, a person may not be aware of the harm these behaviors can cause. Read the next section to learn more about the problems people pleasing can cause.

  • Why is people pleasing problematic?

    People-pleasing behaviors are great at disguising themselves by showing up as acts of kindness, "going the extra mile" efforts, and other socially appropriate behaviors. These behaviors, while usually innocuous at first, may lead to secondary effects if left unchecked.


    Left unchecked, people-pleasing can cause a person to experience a feeling of burnout, dislike for themselves and others, cause anxious and intrusive thoughts, sadness, dissatisfaction, and many other symptoms. When these kinds of symptoms build up over time they may cause a person a significant amount of distress, and social and occupational impairments.


    Again, while people-pleasing is not a mental health diagnosis, people-pleasing behaviors show up in mental health diagnoses. This can be a good clue that something is going on if you can catch it. So, what exactly might people-pleasing look like? Read the next tab to learn more about the symptoms of people-pleasing.

  • What are the symptoms of people pleasing?

    People-pleasing behaviors may look different for each person. As with every mental health problem, we must consider a person's socioeconomic and geopolitical background. It's our opinion that even with this diversity, there are common ways to assess for people-pleasing behaviors. Some examples of these "symptoms" are:


    • You have a substantial history of saying "Yes" to activities which you'd rather say "No" to but are worried about the potential judgment.
    • You schedule yourself for activities which you can reasonably do; however, you'd rather spend your time doing another activity.
    • You may have been told, or you may hear yourself, excessively apologizing for things which may not even need an apology.
    • You may also find that you're indecisive; however, this is likely because you're deferring your decision-making ability to another person rather than executing it.

    There are many other symptoms of people-pleasing, and given the propensity for the behaviors to go unnoticed, problems can appear to happen all of a sudden, and significant distress may occur. Please speak with a qualified professional regarding your experiences as soon as possible.

  • Why does people pleasing happen?

    People pleasing behaviors may occur for a variety of reasons. Like mental health disorders, there isn't one known cause for this behavior. Below is a list of way in which people pleasing behavior may show up:


    • How you were raised as a child.
    • Your observations of other relationships.
    • Life Events e.g. History of Trauma.
    • Negative core beliefs, low self-esteem etc.
    • Lack of financial and/or social resources.

    The are likley many other reasons why people pleasing behaviors may occur. Whey they occured is important however, it may be more prudent to seek assistance from a therapist for these behaviors and the other symptoms the may cause.

  • Assessment tools for people pleasing.

    There are a varity of free, quizes and self-assessments about people pleasing which you can complete to help you determine if you may be exhibiting unhelpful people pleasing behaviors. Examples are:



    The measures provided above, in so far as we know, are not validated measures; nonetheless, they may serve as a fair indicator. Should your score be concerning to you, please scheudule a consultation with one of our therapists as soon as you're able.

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Healthy Boundaries Vs. People Pleasing

What's the Difference?

Healthy Boundaries People Pleasing
Generally prioritizes their needs over the needs of others. Generally places their needs second to other peoples'.
Saying, "No" is acceptable and you're not worried about other's emotions. Saying, "No isn't acceptable and you worry greatly about other's emotions.
Your self-esteem and identity is rooted in your sense of self and not reliant on others. Your self-esteem is likely low and dependent on reassurance and validation of others..
Time management is easier because you're able to prioritize your time over the demands of others. You may find yourself being short on time more times than not.
The relationships in your life enjoyable and fulfilling. The relationships in your life are a significant stressor and poor quality.

If you believe that you have problematic people pleasing behavior, we're here to help. Schedule a consultation below to get started today.

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What Does People Pleasing Treatment Look Like?

A notebook sitting on top of a clear glass table accompanied by two cups of water and a pen.

Treatment Overview

The treatment of people please looks different for every person, while still sharing common elements of treatment across the board.


Treatment starts with an evaluation session where the therapist will collect important information about your experiences. Next, you and the therapist will build a treatment plan and then treatment sessions begin.


The content of treatment sessions vary depending on the treatment plan and what you bring to session. Moreover, There's no definitive length of time you can expect to be in therapy however, we like to tell our clients to anticipate 16-28 sessions.


If you'd like more information on the kinds of therapies you may see, how treatment planning works or even when therpay may be "completed" please visit the other tabs.

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Types of Therapy

There are a varity of therapies for the treatment of people pleasing and their associated pathology. The kind of therapy used in session ought to be a decision made between yourself and the therapist. Here are some example therapies you could be treated with:



Irrespective of the kind of therapy used you may also be taught various skills and concepts in sessions which are often useful for the treatment of people pleasing. Some examples of those are:


  • Setting and Maintaining Boundaries
  • Communication SKills
  • Psychoeducation
  • Interpersonal Relationship Skills
  • Symptom Management Techqniques

There's a lot more we could share however, if you'd like to know how treatment is planned and set into motion, read the Planning tab.

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Pen and paper sitting on top of clear glass table accompanied by glasses of water.

Planning Treatment

The development of a treatment plan is how you and your therapist will know what direction to take therapy. There are a variety of ways that treatment planning can be done with some being fomalized and others more casual. Regardless of how treatment planning is conducted it's a good idea to ensure that you treatment plan will include several of the following:


  • Goals - Broad statements of achievement which may appear tobe  unachievable or in the distant future e.g. "I'd like to feel more in control of my world and be able to make decisions."
  • Objectives - Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time Limited (S.M.A.R.T) milestones which indicate progress has been made e.g. Increase the number of personal boundaries that I have from 3 to 7 over three months. 
  • Interventions - Specific action items, behaviors etc. that need to be done to complete objectives e.g. Complete Nedra's 'Boundaries Quiz' and share the results with my therapist".

The treatment plan, important as it is, is not set in stone. In fact, items on the plan can be added and removed. In fact, it is possible that a client terminates care even before the treatment plan is completed. The take away as that the treatment plan acts as a guide. To learn more about the outcome of therapy, please read the outcome tab.

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A happy male client sitting in front of their therapist with their hands tossed into the air.

Therapy Outcome

We hope that therapy ends because treatment was successful and appropriate outcomes were achieved. The outcomes of therapy are different for every person and when it comes to the treatment of people pleasing, some examples are:


  • Experience an overall decrease in the psychological and phyiological symptopms.
  • Feels more confident in their ability to say, "No" and manage time.
  • Relationships with friends and family have generally improved.
  • People in your life respect your boundaries and you're able to enforce them will little effort and minimal guilt.
  • You understand your personal values and beleifs and rely less on others for validation. 

Certainly, there are many other positive outcomes, we understand that there are reasons therapy may end. Practice polcies may change, providers leave and the "therapist-client fit" is not the best and life just gets in the way sometimes.


We aim to help our clients achieve their therapy goals to the best extent possible and improve their life.

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Starting therapy means you're on the path to regain confidence and control of your life.

Schedule Consultation

The first step is to schedule a free, 15-minute consultation to share what's going on and to decide if we're a good fit for you.

Complete Intake

Step two is to attend your intake session. At this session, we will ask questions to learn more about your experiences.

Start Therapy

The final step is to attend your regularly scheduled sessions so that you can begin to address what's happening in your life.

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Downloadable Guide

5-Steps to Setting Effective Boundaries

Use this simple 5-step framework to set better boundaries and reduce your worries. Knowing where to start with setting boundaries is what this guide will help you do.

Download the Guide
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